Build Your Resilience by Helping Others
Strengthening your ability to weather adversity often involves others
Working from home during the pandemic hasn鈥檛 been easy for Linda Simpson, an extrovert who finds the separation from colleagues tough as she tries to anticipate needs.
But each day around lunchtime, Simpson sits down with her 25-year-old daughter Kalynn, who is staying with her while working for a software company based in Atlanta. The conversations center on work stress, and Simpson often provides Kalynn a sympathetic ear and plenty of encouragement.
鈥淲e have definitely been leaning on each other, and it makes me feel good that I can help her,鈥 said Simpson, a staff assistant with the Sanford School of Public Policy.
The benefits of these moments go both ways: by being present for her daughter, Simpson helps Kalynn weather challenges, and according to lessons in a recent course on resilience offered by Duke鈥檚 Learning & Organization Development (L&OD), that builds up Simpson鈥檚 ability to push through difficult times.
Simpson was one of roughly two dozen employees who participated in the recent L&OD course 鈥淩esilience: Building Skills to Endure Hardship and Prevent Burnout.鈥 The three-hour online course will be offered on and Nov. 4 in 2021.
鈥淩esilience really is a skill you can learn,鈥 said Marjorie Siegert, L&OD鈥檚 senior practitioner who taught the recent session. 鈥淲ith COVID, we鈥檝e all experienced a lot of changes, and we probably haven鈥檛 gotten to see all of them yet. So if we can build our resilience now, as those punches keep coming, we鈥檒l be better able to brush them off. We want to help our employees in this current situation by providing a resource they can tap into.鈥
J. Bryan Sexton, director of the , which offers a , said building resilience through helping others is part of what鈥檚 called Self-Determination Theory. The theory suggests that people鈥檚 behavior is guided by the desire to feel autonomous, connected and competent.
By helping others, you can feel both connected and competent, thus delivering a sense of satisfaction, which helps build resilience.
鈥淭his isn't to say that the way to get out of a hole is to help everyone else, but that in small doses, as a strategy, it can be very reliable,鈥 Sexton said.
Among the ways Siegert suggests strengthening resilience is to help others, even if through small, simple gestures such as checking in with a friend with a phone call or text message, or being willing to listen when a co-worker is dealing with stress.
For Brenda Knox, a course participant who recently joined the staff of the Pratt School of Engineering as an instructional designer, making hand-sewn facemasks has been an activity that鈥檚 helped her get through the stress of changing jobs during the pandemic. She distributes the masks to friends and neighbors and said by addressing needs of others, her own concerns seem less overwhelming and easier to face.
鈥淭o me, it鈥檚 about getting out of my own head and not being so self-centered,鈥 Knox said. 鈥淚t takes me from an inward focus to an outward focus and that helps me be optimistic.鈥
Julia Yao, a research associate with the Duke Global Health Institute鈥檚 Clergy Health Initiative who also participated in L&OD鈥檚 session on resilience, said that her sense of optimism got a boost when she reached out to a new colleague to set up a virtual coffee break over Zoom.
鈥淏efore COVID, I would naturally want to meet a new coworker so I鈥檇 ask them to go for a coffee or a lunch,鈥 Yao said. 鈥淚 want to get to know them, not just as employees, but as a whole person. I don鈥檛 think this practice has to stop.鈥
Yao said the virtual chat in August helped her remember that, while she鈥檚 been working remotely, she鈥檚 still part of a team with a shared mission.
鈥淚t helped me with my resilience,鈥 Yao said. 鈥淭here are times when you feel like you鈥檙e stuck in your own problems, so when I turned around and had the capacity and the privilege to help somebody, it helped me. It gave me a sense of satisfaction and joy.鈥
And for the Sanford School of Public Policy鈥檚 Linda Simpson, helping Kalynn through challenges, gives her a chance to reflect on times in her own life when she overcame difficult moments. Siegert of L&OD points out that reminders of hurdles we鈥檝e overcome allows us to face current challenges with more confidence.
鈥淭he more you can sit back and think of things that happened that you thought were terrible 鈥 but you got through 鈥 the more resilient you can get,鈥 Siegert said. 鈥淵ou can say 鈥楪osh that was horrible, but I see that I鈥檓 better now and if that happens again, I will be ready for it.鈥欌
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